Productivity is something that I have constantly struggled with throughout this illness…  I want to be out there, doing SOMETHING.  Fryer Drew gave me a book in December called Being Well When We’re Ill : Wholeness and Hope in Spite of Infirmity by Marva J. Dawn.  I’ve been enjoying the book and have gotten a lot out of it.

This morning I finished the chapter about Unproductivity — The Mysterious Workings of God.  It spoke to what I’ve been feeling all along about wanting to be able to do all the things I was doing before.  There were a few parts that I found particularly helpful in processing my feelings about this. 

It seems therefore that the tendency aroused in us by our society to demand productivity from ourselves is coupled with our own deep desire to do what we have loved in the past.  Thus, we feel both guilt and an absence of pleaser and think (mistakenly) that we should somehow make ourselves capable of accomplishing things again. (pg. 133)

Yes!  This is exactly how I am feeling. 

She goes on further to discuss about knowing that we are accepted and loved by God.  She recalls the story of Martha and Mary and encourages us to replace Martha’s name with our own in Luke 10: 41-42.  Which would read “Chrissy, Chrissy you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need for only one thing.  Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.”
Reading this chapter was exactly what I needed today as I have been flaring over the last three or four days and have accomplished nothing.  Thanks Fryer Drew.
Being Well When We’re Ill was published by Augsburg Books and can be found online.